Standing at the Surface

Today I woke up and smiled. My day had just been born- nothing had happened yet but I smiled. It was different; it was the kind of smile that felt fluid. I felt it flowing through my mind, washing my crown to my root, and soaking my soul. Why? Because everyday life finds new ways for me to fall in love with her. I’m so humbled that someone in the sky, be it God, angels or energy, let this be my life. But this overwhelming gratitude only rose to the surface when I did. I started apologizing less and becoming more of what I wanted to be. When I think of two year ago me or even six month ago me, the word “shrunk” is not far behind. A shrunken version of myself, consistently striving for validation and petrified of ever appearing anyway dissimilar to the crowd. But I was never made for the multitude. And I had to fail in trying before I could find peace in stumbling down the untravelled path.  I’m wired differently, and honestly that’s okay for me now. But the more I stand up in harmony with myself, the more universe applauds me for doing so.

The neglected reality for a lot of people is they don’t know how to be comfortable with themselves because they’ve never been taught to. We’ve become a generation of comparison and, honestly, it’s destroying us. We’re all on a quest for originality while copying and pasting the lives of others into ours. We’re compromising ourselves to fit in but that fitting in is inevitably shrinking. Shrinking all the weird and wonderful aspects of ourselves that make us who we are. For a long time I was so afraid of my mind and I tried with everything inside me to conceal it. But even if you’re the greatest fighter in the world, you can’t fight what you are- when you go head to head with your soul, you can’t win because a soul doesn’t have an ego to fall victim to. There wasn’t one moment of miracle, of epiphany. One by one, I removed a bar off my cage and before I knew it I had transformed to freedom.

I presented myself apologetically to the world. And then the weirdest thing happened. The world presented all the people, all the things I needed. There was a moment of clarity where the white noise faded away and the calm set in. I expected to face critique but knew it wouldn’t break me, for I had detoxed myself from the validation that once ran through my veins. The world didn’t boo me, it stood with me, cheering. A movement of powerful people and events made their way into my life. And the ones who didn’t stand, were the ones that couldn’t; the ones that were crippled with not listening to their life purpose. You soul speaks a language that only you can understand- you just have to actually listen. I’ve wanted to make a difference in the world ever since I realized it needed it. I would never have the ability to do so if I remained cocooned. I am making a distinct imprint on the world because I am the driver of my life.

I’ve come to a point where I feel like I’m sitting on top of the mountain after conquering it. I’m done with masking, and fear and just not embracing my mind and my purpose. I have something within me that nobody else does. Everybody does. There is an omnipresent magic in the universe, in that it is within all of us. It is exclusive, however, because it’s never made of the same material. When you rise to the surface, life and all the people in it reward you. Life wants to be lived, demands it. So I don’t mind if I’m not for everyone. I don’t mind if my life isn’t one of conventional methods. I don’t mind if I speak in energy and live with soul because I’ve never been so in control. I’m excited to be alive everyday. I don’t regret anything that brought me to the here and now because I am living vividly, standing at ease with my self.



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