I’ve never been ballsy. I never crossed the road without the green man. I wouldn’t walk on street cracks or over four drains. I never looked at a magpie without dreading the bad luck they bring. Like so many people, I was comfortable. Always chasing safe. We’ve become so good at walls and barriers in the illusion of safety. But the walls and the barriers don’t keep danger away; they keep life away. Your transformation won’t come if you choose to stay in your cocoon. Things don’t change until we do.
So I had to change. Because I wasn’t made for a life of fear, a life of watching where I walk, a life of looking down and not looking at the sky. I wasn’t made for not knowing freedom. I was made for leaping into life and all her magic. So I jumped on a plane (a few actually, including stopovers), out in the world, solo. People always talk about ‘safety in numbers’ and yeah, sometimes it’s necessary, but nothing in the world compares to living your freedom and knowing it’s scary but you’re out here and you’re doing it. I’ve surprised myself a lot in the past week; venturing past the limits of the barriers I created. I checked into a hotel without nobody’s hand to hold but mine. I wandered into the desert in Dubai, completely on my own with a man I’ve never met. I took the handle bars of a quad, when I’ve only known being a passenger. I drifted around the hustle and bustle of the streets of Phnom Penh, my new home for the next few months. I’ve spent a lot of time on my own, out in the unknown doing things deemed unsafe. But I’m in a place I’ve never been before, doing things I’ve never done, feeling things I’ve never felt; my freedom is here in the flesh. I’m on a new level of life, that only came from releasing myself from the safety net I was captured in.
I met a woman on the first flight and we talked about life. She spoke of her small ‘safe’ town up North. This ‘safe’ town that tossed her out on the streets in her time of need. This ‘safe’ town that she was raped in. Safety is an illusion to keep you blind from being alive. We all want to be safe but no matter how any layers of bubble-wrap you cover yourself in, it’s never guaranteed. So you might as well make the jump from comfortable to where you actually want to be, despite the danger. Life was never made to be straight and narrow. It was meant to be wild and open to wherever you wanted to take it. You can walk through life with your eyes closed to the dark but you need to accept that you’re closing your eyes on the light too. Life in comfortable, is accepting a medium level of life. And if that’s all you want then yeah cool, enjoy it but there is so much world out there, so much life that you don’t know what you’re wasting.
I can stand up and say that I actively chose my life. And I can say that I would do it a hundred times over. The path has been mucky and uneasy sometimes but I don’t regret a single thing that has led me to liberation. Because this feeling; of release, of power is the compass leading me in the direction of my soul. I’m proud of the person I’ve become because I had to fight to become her. I had to be the least independent person, anchored down by the weight of her fear to unravel the layers of my cocoon, so I could fly openly into the arms of freedom. Out into the beautiful world of unsafe.