Table for One, Please.

There’s this moment of pure, unconcealed confusion when I smile at the waiter and say “table for one, please”. “Only one?” is usually the shocked response. And I’m familiar with that shocked response; I got the same one, a hundred times over, when I told everyone back home “Yes, Cambodia. Yes, on my own”. Because we’re a world of fan-pages for celebrities’ relationships, we’re rom-coms and thinking we can’t exist outside of another. And I know, one of the most powerful energies in the universe is people, together. But there’s also beauty beyond words in a life unchaperoned. When you stand out in the world, at bliss in your oneness, you evolve.

Every Monday, I am greeted by smiling faces, with the ritual “what did you do with your weekend, teacher?” After telling them, the recurrent answer is “you’re so brave, teacher”. But I’m not brave; I’m restless. How could I ever rest in a world where who and what we can be, is not even invented yet? How can I rest knowing that I can do or be absolutely anything in the universe? And I refuse to lie dormant because others don’t want to join. We infinitely limit ourselves with the belief that life begins with another. Life begins, first and foremost, the moment we tune in to it. When you realize that your life isn’t accident or coincidence, you start to live better. What happens to you, where you go, what you do; it’s all on you. So why are we all overflowing with fear?

Why don’t we sit at a table for one and smile, instead of pretending we’re waiting for someone or putting our head down? Why can’t we be as excited to say we’re single as we are to say we’re engaged? Why can’t we stand up and be the badasses of our own lives, without waiting for someone to rescue us? Because what we’re not told, what’s not in the fairytales, is that nobody is. Nobody’s coming in on a white horse. We’ve got to ride it out ourselves. We’re teaching women everywhere that their importance relies on a question, on a “will you be my girlfriend?”, a “will you be my wife?”. You don’t need someone to be someone. But we’re implanting this fear of solitude to keep people rooted in never pursuing their power. Fear is what keeps us immobilized in ordinary. You need to welcome fear. You need to seize seclusion.

And I’m not a cynic. Life was made from love and was made to be lived in it. But the reality is, you can only meet people as deeply as you’ve met yourself. When you fill your time with you, solo, the time then spent with others transcends everything you’ve known- when you’re better, your relationships will be too. We need to know we can live outside the lines. We need to stop clasping on to the detrimental and the entrapping, just to have somebody by your side. Stop fearing oneness. Ask for a table for one; and own it. Buy yourself flowers. Book a flight with one seat. Dive into the part of yourself, the world told you doesn’t exist. And just see, first-hand, the level of enchantment that comes to fruition with your evolution.

We Can be Heroes

Today my physical body is weak. But as I sit here wanting to rip my skin off and puffing on ventolin, struggling to breathe, I feel so blessed because today my mind isn’t struggling. Today my mind is healthy. Today, I’m not paralysed with the prospect of having a conversation. Today, I’m not pulling at the threads of myself until I unravel. Today is a day that the weights of my mind have been lifted and I feel strong. The mind is not solid but fluid- it can be strong one day and weak the next, it can be heavy or it can be a cloud of lightness. It digresses and flows through the meanders of the days our thoughts are our soulmates and the days they feel like a stranger. No mind is fully ill or well, as with the body it comes in phases. I have been broken by life. By people. Only when I was glued together with love did I know true healing. You’ve got to fill the cracks, dents and bruises of your mind with love, and joy, and peace and all those other emotions your bad days tell you don’t deserve. When you can’t see past the fog of your own mind, find solace in the fact that one day is not your reality, it is not your truth. One feeling doesn’t define you. You are not an illness. You don’t have to agree with that self-talk that lowers your vibration. You can be your own hero. You can lift yourself and free yourself from adversity. It doesn’t have to be any way you don’t want it to be.

You’ll have to fight life and you’ll have to fight the villains of your mind. The road feels long, and many times lonely but every moment you continue, every time you carry on is another demon you relinquish because you can’t be beaten. The paths we walk weren’t created in a world that’s just our own; they intertwine and connect with those of other wanderers and travellers. These people, on all the different paths of their own, are all humans like you. Never underestimate the power of humans. Never underestimate the power of humanity. Hellos can save lives. Smiles can save souls. The kindness and empathy of people is without bounds. There is always someone willing and eager to lift you when you can’t make the jump on your own. When we lift each other we can all rise together. Be someone’s hero. Save a life. Outstretch a hand to the ones who need it the most. Wrap people in the blanket of your kindness. Share love. Be light.

Mind your mind. Be kind to it. Be kind to all those around you.

We can all be heroes.

 

 

An alarm wasn’t set. There was no path carved in stone. Sometimes you need to forget the to-do list and just be. I knew I was going to open my eyes today and flow with the day; whatever came, I would let it. And I’m strolling down the road, watching the shades of my mind make art- I’m feeling good and thinking better. And of course I probably should have been a little more tuned into reality as I try to cross the road. A tiny step off the path after proceeding to the wrong green light and there’s a horn beeping and a man cursing. So, naturally, there’s a little part of myself consenting his curses as accurate. And then I have the moment. The moment I live for- that one second of transformation that you assess a situation and simply choose to disagree. Anything can change in a second.

That man, whoever he is, fell victim to the dynamic second. Yes, I was at fault but he let one second defeat him. He threw hate into the world and because of that he’s probably somewhere cursing the road for him being late, cursing the woman in a shop slowing him down, cursing the universe for this shit-show of a day he’s having. That’s not on me. That’s on him. He didn’t create the situation but he produced the reaction. Hate is magnetic and once it’s released, it will keep attracting forces to multiply, to intensify, to feed off you. When you go head to head with hate, not only will you lose but there will be no winners. The hate you emit in the atmosphere will be breathed in by someone in the proximity (like I could have today) and domino until the whole day has been poisoned, and eventually until a whole society is.

It never registers with us how casual and mainstream hate can become. It’s everywhere, disguised as ‘the way it is’. One of the sole reasons I have memories on Facebook is to look back on the person I was and be overcome with gratitude that I’m not there anymore. Every status, every update was another complaint with my life. There’s a reason the things, the feelings I hadn’t wanted kept resurfacing; I was throwing them at myself. The energy I was presenting to the universe was tainted and so everything the universe gave me, would be just that. I was so absorbed with hate that I forgot that falling in love with life is always an option. When you fall in love with the intricate details of your life, and the entirety of what you are, there isn’t much room for hate to occupy. I have grown away from hate. I have grown from love. I will not throw hate into a world that has more than enough. Instead I will always seek to be the colour in a black and white world. It doesn’t need to be hate vs love, or good vs evil, or you vs me, or us vs them. Making life a battle gives the negative an advantage. We’re all here, wherever here is for us, and instead of adding bricks to someone’s burden, just give love and be love. Change one thought everyday when that testing ‘one second moment’ materializes. Things can wrong in a second.

But they can also go very right.

 

 

 

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